Wednesday, February 3, 2016

Stop. Fucking. Eating.

Oh my god.  Sitting here listening to my coworker eat all day is driving me insane.  He starts with cereal around 11am.  This involves him repeatedly driving his spoon into the bowl, grating against the flakes or the granola or whatever, and then slurping the milk.
If I am lucky, he will bring back a Subway sandwich and eat it with the same sound effects as one might expect to hear if a 95 year old with no teeth were to eat a sandwich.
Interspersed with this is him delving into the nuts kept in someone else’s office, and then eating and sucking them with his mouth open.
Now I am sitting in an office that smells like a meatball goddamn sub, sick to my stomach and filled with rage.  Why can’t he understand that eating is shameful and should be done only when necessary, and in secret so no one knows?
Happy Humpday.
Go eat in the closet.

3 comments:

  1. There should be a law against eating at your desk. My OM eats yogurt everyday at 8:30 and she smacks it! I, for the life of me can't figure out why she has to slam it against the roof of her mouth 7 or 8 times. I should just get up and shut her door. Then it's a standing tradition that we all eat together in the conference room at noon and I have to hear her smacking right across the table from me. OMG! I end up eating so fast to get out of there that I get a stomach ache. Two more years!!! Just two more years, God I hope I can last.

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  2. Yeah. I go home for lunch. Good god. And then I think "how is this person married? How does his wife and children not kill him?". It's just a constant stream of food into his mouth, where he sucks and smacks it to death. I even pulled a file folder out of his cabinet once and there was a a cashew in it. I was like "so that just happened". Cor.

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  3. Hahahahaha a cashew in the file! That's funny and disgusting, hope it didn't fall out of his gaping pie hole. I know exactly what you said, "WTF??!!!" hahahah You win!

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