Monday, August 31, 2015

Seaplanes sure are fun when the weather is perfect

What's with B&Bs and the people that stay in them, man?  Like, neither of us are hugely social people and it was my idea to stay in a B&B so Michael humoured me and we came down and tried to do the social niceties this morning, but were met with an even weirder dynamic.  If you don't enjoy people or making conversation with them at 8:30 in the morning over a shared breakfast?  Don't stay at a B&B.  We, at least, were game.
Today's weird social experiment consisted of a couple where the wife was retired and the husband was segueing into retirement. The wife's sister was also there as they were going to a wedding in Campbell River.
I'm not saying I'm all Downton Abbey with my manners and what have you, except for wait yes I am.  If the minutiae of human interactions bore you, you should check out now. If social foibles compel you, please read on.
We gingerly descend the stairs after yesterday's 100k ride (on monstrous hybrids, no less).  Rock on into the sitting area where there are a gaggle of new folks (three), all of which have effectively taken up the seating.  Upon us arriving, had they rearranged themselves slightly (so that the husband was sitting on the same couch as his wife), Michael and I could have shared the love seat.  Nope.  So I grab a chair from the dining room, and Michael sits on the couch with a strange older lady he's never met before.
Numb nuts husband can't pull himself away from his cell phone.  I'm socially awkward so start with the weather/where are you from/first time in Victoria gambit.  They're from back east, I'm a privileged Vancouverite, it's all laid out.  Michael says he's from London.  Husband says "I went to school in London". Oh, possible bromance?  They both say "Western" at about the same time.  Husband says "I got my MBA at Western".
Great.
It was like that time we went to that thing with people that we used to know (blah blah back story) and the second phrase out of this woman's mouth was "I own a house at 14th and Trimble" or wherever it was.  If you live here, and you don't, you would know that the area which she is describing is excruciatingly expensive.  And she felt the need to point that out to us before telling us how she was related to the people hosting the party; asking who we were or how we knew the people hosting the party; etc; ad nauseam.
This guy.  Holy shit.  They were retirement age, and from Ottawa, but no matter what he said, he had to one up us.  From our 40 minute breakfast I learned that they were going to his sister's wedding in Campbell River.  They had been to Victoria before, but briefly.  He had taken Harbour Air before a lot for work.  He has an MBA - which clearly gives him a hard on.  His wife did software demos for the Canadian military.  Their son is a chef in a resort that caters to people that helicopter ski, and he does it to support his love of skiing.  He is an exceptional skier and was once sponsored and could  have gone pro he's so amazing.  They haven't been to the Okanagan.  They don't like snowboarding.  They've been to Spinnakers and have heard of Il Terrazzo.  They don't like the Green Party.
Every attempt Michael and I made to have a conversation with this guy ended with him shutting it down.  It was fascinating.  Why. Are.  You.  At.  A.  Bed.  And.  Breakfast.
I hate people.  Like, so much, but here I was trying.  I brushed my teeth and washed my face and everything.  We were so polite and typically Canadian it was sick.  And this guy looked at us, found us wanting, and felt we weren't worthy of further conversation.
So then I have this brief high school freak out moment and think "Was it me?".  What am I exuding, or what are we exuding, that makes us so seemingly uninteresting to others?
And then: do I care?
And then: this is why I married Michael.
Whatever.  I don't know why I care.  It's the same premise at work.  They still don't even spell my name correctly and I've been there five months.  Once, I mentioned that "Michael and I" were going to be doing some thing on the weekend and the receptionist asked "who is Michael?".  HOLY FUCK.
I actually give up.
Anyways, we checked out and took our flight home and I thought we might die, but it all turned out okay.  I guess the upshot of turbulent float plane flights is that you're not too far above the water and you have pontoons, versus falling 30,000 feet out of the sky in a giant tube, but jebus, I was actually mentally reviewing the exits and reminding myself that I'm a strong swimmer.  Holy crap.  Even the pilot said "second landings are free" after we hopped, skipped and jumped across the harbour trying to land today.
It was still better than the BC Ferries experience, though.
Also:  Kanye West was given a platform to give a speech at the MMVAs; Kylie Jenner was a presenter; Donald Trump is running for president (oh, and Kanye is as well, apparently); fracking is causing earthquakes, so basically humanity has lost its mind and none of this matters anyways.
Not that it ever did.

12 comments:

  1. Sounds like some painful conversation. Sometimes silence is golden. One uppers are the absolute worst.

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    1. I just don't get how people can go through life so oblivious of everyone else.

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    2. Shitty people are really good at surrounding themselves with other shitty people.

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    3. One uppers... try saying "you're fucking awesome! Hey everybody! He's FUCKING awesome!" Works every time.

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    4. I'm too polite. It's a Canadian thing. I quietly seethe with rage and then spend a shit ton of money on therapy and run lots. I think it's working?

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  2. Duder, there's got to be a novel in you. All you need is the plot because your observations of social scenes and people -- aces. So: Toronto, York (barely), sociology (hey man, it was the '60s), journalist/photographer, retired -- surely you can make something of that. Oh, and we stayed in B&Bs when we were in the UK in May but didn't find the characters you did.

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    1. I would like to write a book, actually. I just keep putting it off. And also I think, who would read it? Like, there would be an entire chapter on public transit etiquette and I'm just not sure the world is ready for that.

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  3. there are people at work that still don't say my name correctly. I've worked there for 8 years. My manager corrected someone who came in to get something from me, BY CORRECTING HIM INCORRECTLY.

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    1. Oh my god: that takes the cake.

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    2. People are too self-envolved to even concern them selves with anyone who can't give them something. I corrected my boss the other day when she was making introductions to the new teachers and staff. For the past two years she's pronounced my name CruzON, like she's saying crouton, heavy on the ONNNNN! I told her she was being too fancy, it's just Cruzan, just speak Texan. I should have said what I usually say "Cruzan, like the rum!"

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  4. I had a brief day dream about having a B&B. Jody told me to go Gooogle "bad B&B stories". Now I won't even stay in one. AirB&B, VRBO, that's the way to go.

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    1. Ha! I entertain the thought for about 30 seconds once a year and then am like "Oh yeah: I hate people".

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