Wednesday, October 29, 2014

Still on the same topic...

Right.  So more women are emerging from the woodwork that is Jian Ghomeshi's sexual life.  The first few women that allege he roughed them up said that they didn't go to the authorities because there were texts or emails in existence that would make them seem complicit to the acts.
This is where I go around and around.  You're a national celebrity.  You have a successful show.  People know you (hell: I was excited when he showed up on stage at the CBC festival at Deer Lake Park this past year).   You're famous.  You have money and you have connections.  How many people that you meet in the course of a day or a week or angling to get something from you?  A fling?  A baby?  A connection into the media industry?
Counter point.  You're a national celebrity.  You bring in the audiences and the dollars for the CBC.  Your ego goes to your head.  You have a lot of people vying for your attention that you can exploit rather mercilessly because they want something from you and they're willing to give more to get it.  You're used to getting what you want and you assume everyone is on the same page as you.
It seems (at least for me) that this whole issue has grown to epic proportions.  I'm reading articles about women decrying lawyers asking rape victims what they wore they night they were raped.  Sure, that's wrong, but where did this angle come from?  We're now looking at sexual divide.  A divide between employer and employee.  A divide between implied and consensual sex.  A divide between women that report sexual assault and those that don't.
I don't know if Ghomeshi did what the (ever mounting number of) women claim he did.  I really hope he didn't, but if he did?  I hold the women somewhat to blame.
If you are raped, sexually assaulted, verbally assaulted, made to feel inferior or uncomfortable?  Stop it.  Shut it down.  Deal with it.  Report it.  Call the police.  Go to court.  Pursue it.
What I've come away with from the Ghomeshi case is that there are women that were afraid to report his alleged violence towards them (and I'm not saying that he perpetuated this violence).
What I am saying is that I'm tired of reading about how women are scared to go to the police.  As long as we remain scared, as long as we believe it was our fault, it was how much we had to drink, it was what we were wearing, it was how we acted or encouraged, it was also partially our fault.
If every woman who was assaulted went to the police and stood by her story, the tide would change.  But we don't.  We internalize.  We brought it upon ourselves.  We shouldn't have gone to their place.  We shouldn't have opened the door.  We should have fought harder.  We shouldn't have put ourselves in that position.
We were complicit.
I think instead of telling women to walk in groups late at night, or to not jog alone, or to check in during a first date night, we should be telling men "hey: don't rape women".
If I walk out of my apartment tonight wearing a tight top and a short skirt and a random man just is overcome with his desire for me?  It's his fault.  But society thinks otherwise.
Nobody has to tell me not to physically accost the hot guy in my office or at the bar.  Why does society have to tell men this?  Don't rape or hurt women.  It seems really basic.
To cycle around: as women, we need to report everything that happens to us, all the time.  The more that women report their abuse the more it will become apparent that it's rampant.  When you keep it to yourself?  It hurts all women collectively.
As women, we need to stand up for the abuses perpetuated against us, for which - for so long - we've been compelled to keep silent.

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