Giving up

Sounds bad.
Sounds like I'm a loser.
A couple of weeks ago I had a job interview with an interesting company.  They wanted me to come back for a second interview to meet the CFO and, because I was inflexible with my schedule, they were willing to meet me at 7:30 in the morning.
The job was mine if I had wanted it, but I didn't want to give up my four day work week and they weren't willing to capitulate and so we never met up for the second round.
I returned to my job with the knowledge that I am still an attractive prospect to other companies, but that I don't want to work more than 32 hours a week and that, fundamentally, only my employer is currently offering the parameters that I find acceptable.  Some of the unforeseen bits that have nestled themselves into those parameters - gossiping, politics, nepotism, redundancy, bureaucracy, make work projects, seniority - are the little bits that I am going to have to learn to accept.
I know there are other people where I work that don't drink the proverbial Kool Aid, and I try and take some solace in that.  Additionally I have a nice network of friends outside of work with whom I can discuss things that don't involve reality television, personal trainers or muffin recipes.
Moreover, if I was smarter and more determined I would find a way to leverage what little I do have in this life and make it work for me instead, or maybe I would take risks and invest in things that might give a better return or maybe even I would take a year off from work and try and get some travelling in before I am diagnosed with liver failure, which is surely imminent.
I feel bad.  I'm not a stupid person.  I could have done better.  I didn't.  I took the golden handcuffs and I snapped them around my own wrists.
I'll stop complaining about it right now except for the fact that we still have a carbon paper PO system at work.  Like, ten years ago when I was rocking a 4.0 GPA in college?  We did MS Access Databases and I could have created something to alleviate the absolutely archaic way in which our province wide organization attempts to function, but expectations get dumbed down pretty quickly when you take on a job in 2009 that still has DOS elements.
Right.
On to shit that matters.
I ran really fast on the treadmill today. 
I'm getting a lot of compliments on my hair, which I have to say is pretty awesome.
I absolutely can't do narrow push ups.
I found a grocer nearby that sells BCSPCA certified chicken and eggs, and also free range, hormone and antibiotic free beef so maybe one day I will be able to have a steak again.  Michael almost cried with relief.
Fundamentally though?  19 days in?  I'm just happy that I have a good, solid relationship with the person that I couldn't imagine life without.
A million years ago, when he walked in the door I couldn't wait to impose upon him all the things that I felt he ought to do or that he owed me.
Now, when I hear the key turning in the door I am just happy that he is home and that I get one more evening with him.