Look at me go!

Got reprimanded at work today. I think.  I'm not sure.  The controller mentioned that our employer provides free and confidential counselling services.
Finished work, ran five miles and then went to see my therapist. 
Man did we have a lot to talk about.  But we also wrapped things up.  I went to see her initially because there were issues in my life that I couldn't deal with on my own.  She listened and gave suggestions and listened some more.  I was too fearful to act on her suggestions, but fate forced me into this situation eventually and I tried to deal with it the best I could with some of the tools I have developed along the way.
I will sum it up thusly: there are things in life that we are loathe to deal with and we fear them and the possible outcomes.  But, if Dune taught us anything, it is that "fear is the mind killer".  I was forced to confront my deepest, darkest fears and it was and is hard, but it is not as horrific as I thought it would be.  And now I am free of the endless loop of guilt and self-loathing and stagnation.
And like marathoning convinces me of my mental and physical determination, so did this experience teach me that it is best to be proactive and pre-emtive, because being caught in a loop of doubt and fear is useless.
It is still a work in progress, but Michael and I are working harder than we ever have and that makes me happy and comforts me.  I'm living for the weekend and for sound sleeps in Michael's bed at this point.  Two more days to go.

A parting gift from my therapist:

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters

Chapter 1

I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost ... I am helpless.
It isn't my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don't see it.
I fall in again.
I can't believe I am in the same place.
But it isn't my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in ... it's a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.