And then and then and then and then?

Today I am happy.  I was a shit heel last night as one does, but Michael said to me today "I don't care: I just love you so much".  It doesn't excuse being a shit heel and I will endeavour to be less of one in the future but even having an argument with him at 1.30 in the morning is better now than it was in months and years past.   It doesn't make sense, I know.  I just feel better and more comfortable and like we're working towards something.
Went for dinner at my mom's with Jay and Andrea and my Nana and Ed and it was so great to have everyone together.  Even Felix came down to get a little licky and hissy. What a spastic dingbat.  Dinner was, as always, excellent and desert was even better.  I am getting fat.
I love my family.  I am so lucky to be able to sit around a table and have such great conversations with such interesting people. I love family dinners.  I love food.  I even love Felix even though he's morbidly obese and somewhat pigeon-toed.
The last time I was this happy was back in 2008.  I remember being so happy that day in the park, in the sun, playing on the swings and the slide.  It was a day or two before Michael and I would head to Penticton and I would get an unwelcome knock on my hotel door.  I remember, as I was on the swing in the park thinking to myself "I don't deserve to be this happy" and thinking that fate would mete out some punishment to me to counterbalance the happiness.  And man, did it ever.
It took me over three years to get back to a place in my life where I am happy.  I wake up in the morning and for the first time in years there isn't a pall cast over the day.  It isn't tainted with sadness or guilt or regret.  Now when I wake up in the morning I don't have to regret the past, but rather I can be expectant about the future, and I can be calm and accepting of the now.