Been a bit of a nomad for the last month. After coming back from our Boston/New York/Philadelphia/D.C. trip, I had a few days before staying at my mom's with SuperMommy for the half marathon, and then I house sat for a friend for a couple of nights, before cat sitting for my mom. Only now, today, do I feel like I am finally home because I will be staying here for over a week (I'm going to Portland with R on the 26th).
I'm always a little amazed at my schedule these days, given the kid I was growing up. When I was in high school I was somewhat fat and anxious, and so I would try and get through whatever homework was assigned to me on Friday night.
Kids in my high school were going to parties, getting drunk and getting abortions. I graduated on the honour roll, having never had an alcoholic beverage, and having kissed a total of two boys. I actually had a dry grad party at my parents' place (and skipped the actual grad party because I didn't have a date or a dress, nor did I really care about either).
And so, as aforementioned, the frequency of my life continues to amaze me.
Case in point: reconnecting with a cousin with whom I've had a bit of a tumultuous relationship over the years. We never really got along: she was always rather hard on the head, and I must admit I always thought she was a bit simple. She irritated the shit out of me growing up, for various reasons, but the long and short of it is that she's a good person: incredibly patient and hardworking.
Anyways, long story short she ended up getting married about ten years ago.
When our grandmother died, she had some jewellery left in her will. The granddaughters all got to draw slips of paper to see which ring they got and I received a very beautiful and dainty engagement ring that has been fawned over by vintage jewellery lovers. My cousin received what I guess would be an anniversary ring: a much blingier version of what I got. I can't recall what the other girls got.
So, my cousin gets married to this guy (who I loathed instantly upon meeting but I won't get into the details) and... no engagement ring.
Kind of funny, right? She ultimately ended up using our grandmother's ring as her wedding ring.
Red flag, much?
Fast forward a decade and throughout that time I'm hearing that my cousin and her husband are in therapy for undisclosed reasons. I continue to loathe him at various family events because he suffers from the Napoleon complex, and because I would be surprised if he has a three digit IQ.
Fast forward even further and, coming home on leave (he's military), he wants a divorce from my cousin (with whom he has fathered two children - one of which is special needs). He's my age, but he's embroiled in an affair with a 24 year old (who is higher ranking than he is) and he's leaving my cousin.
And a little further yet? My cousin is the one that is starting the divorce proceedings against her husband and now he is deciding he wants her back, and yet he doesn't want to give up the piece on the side.
So my cousin and I (having never gone out socially together in our lives) are sitting in Seymour's Pub which is adjacent to the hotel where she actually married this prick (and where Michael and I and my mom and dad had a drink and appy while waiting for my cousin's reception) and I'm asking what will make her happy, and she's saying "ask me in six months" and stuff like "it's not the affair that bothers me, but how he's dealing with it ".
I was seriously blown away.
She'd already been to a therapist. She'd figured it out, she understands and can put herself in his shoes, and she's just waiting to see how things play so she can act accordingly, while she raises their two children.
Seriously? I remember just being totally snarky with her up at Lasqueti when she came to visit us once. I hated her when I was little, and she grated on me when I was older and I always thought I was the kid that had it all sussed. What a hilarious concept that turned out to be in the last few years, eh?
I showed up to be a sounding board and a source of support to someone that I thought needed me last night, and she blew my mind.
I hope to see more of her.
He sounds like a jerk, but your cousin... she is handling all that with a great amount of grace and patience. I'm not sure I would if I were in her place. Sounds to me like her kids have a great Mum, and that the two of you are going to have a nice friendship too!
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