Hooker shoes

After work today (which, by the way, was awesome: um, just fire me guys, because being in a perpetual state of trepidation is really tiring.  Plus side: I've lost weight!) I went to Winners.  You should go.
Let me back this riveting story up.
At lunch today I unfurled the aforementioned whore dress.  Everyone's panties got a little damp.  Yes, the dress is bangin'.  Yes, I could quite possibly take over the world simply by wearing this dress at the right place and time.  Do you remember the dress that Carrie Bradshaw (shut up) wore that Samantha referred to as... something to do with sex?  Well this is that dress plus, like, retro architecture and, like 20s flapper girl stylings.  This dress is so intimidating that I killed it at the gym today because I felt I owed it to the dress.
Anyways, my coworkers all started shrieking things at me.  "Red shoes".  "Whore it up!".  Things about stepping out of my comfort zone, finding Jesus, owning it, rocking it, wearing a scarf, wearing lipstick, staying away from their husbands, but mostly that I needed some semi-sheer stockings.
I went to Winners and bought two pairs of pantyhose.  Cor.  I remember why I don't wear pantyhose.  Or dresses.  Or basically care about my appearance in general.  But then I checked out the shoe section and scored a nice pair of Kenneth Cole ballet flats, red.  They are so money, baby.  They don't know how money they are.  I know how money they are cause they were on for $20 which was half price.
The dress is much less whoreish when I wear the nylons, so I'm quite pleased with that.  The little ballet flats make it a bit whimsical.  My super cool, chunky necklace will cover my heaving decolletage, and my three glasses of wine will make me wonder why I ever cared about any of this in the first place.
Right.
In other news, aside from my potential, impending job loss, showing up half naked at a Christmas party tomorrow, nailing it at the gym tonight and not making dinner, I finished all the "Archer" episodes on Netflix.
What the shit.
Pretty big day though, eh?  I bet you wish you had days this big.