Today was a random day like any other.
Actually, not so much.
We slept in, Michael went for some tests, I went for an unanticipated 11 miler and then I came to Kits to babysit Felix whom I have not yet seen, but was kind enough to vomit on the floor whilst Po and I had sushi down the street.
During aforementioned dinner, Po confessed that when she was apprised (by me) of certain transgressions in my life that she had debated continuing on with our friendship. Full stop.
Po and I have known each other since we were 12 or 13 years old. I'm 35. She illustrated the tattoo emblazoned on my shoulder.
When my relationship with Michael ended in the fall of last year she was one of two friends that came immediately to support me because I asked them to. She spent hours with me, listened to me, tried to make me feel calm and loved. I valued her friendship and I knew that what I was going through was testing her morality.
I'm no saint, nor have I ever been. And perhaps because of this I am less disparaging of people that falter or that struggle. I falter and struggle often. I know what I need when I don't make the grade: I need someone to believe in me, and to believe in my goodness and to have faith in me.
We all come from different backgrounds.
We are shaped by our parents and our relationships and our experiences.
My knee-jerk reaction - when she informed me of her reaction to my situation - was, ironically, to dismiss her. I don't need a friend that doesn't have my back. I don't need judgement or castigation.
But her actions were louder than her words: she showed up when I needed her, and I needed her more than anything at that point.
I didn't need her judgement, though that was levied today.
I suppose what I question now is: where is the line drawn? At what point do you cease to become an advocate for your friends? When do you withdraw your support? What do they have to do that makes you want to unequivocally break ties with them?
How deep are your friendships?
I think my friendships are pretty deep, unless of course you try to bring shit into my life. Six months ago I became reacquainted with a former co-worker/friend. We had lost touch when she divorced her husband 4 years ago, and cut ties with everyone that she had known when she was married. After reuniting she received a text message from my husband that she misread (he showed me the original message.) But instead of confronting him with her dislike to the message, she invited me to breakfast on the pretense that we would be friends and that I would side with her. All in all she totally brought some shit into my life that day. The hubby and I sorted things out, but she and I haven't spoken after a few text messages to let her know that she was mistaken. My question to her (and the one that has severed our relationship) was, Why wasn't she woman enough to tell my husband off and handle her problems like a woman instead of running to me and 'tattling' like a 4 year old. If you are really my friend your ultimate goal is to not dump unhappiness in my life and to protect me from it, and help me get through any unhappiness I can get into myself. That's what I do for my friends after all. I will tell them point blank when what they are wearing looks like shit on them, friends do that.
ReplyDeleteYes, I think the term "friendship" possibly means different things to different people.
ReplyDeleteI've always posited that a true friend is one that would bail me out of jail at 2am on a Saturday night, no questions asked, because that is what I would do for them.
Yes, friendships do mean different things to different people...
ReplyDeleteIndubitably.
ReplyDelete