More rambling

So the point that I was rather long-windedly trying to arrive at last night was regarding our perceptions of ourselves versus other peoples' perceptions of us and, also, how people can change.
Case in point: Michael loves me a lot.  He says it all the time.  He shows it all the time.  He has been with me for a third of my life and god knows that was not an easy feat.
But I still am unsure.  I have to ask him sometimes if he loves me and it must drive him insane.  There's obviously some deep-seeded fear I have of being unlovable which probably stems from the time I peed in my sleeping bag when I was four years old up at Lasqueti because I was too scared to go outside in the middle of the night and use the outhouse.
On the flip side, Michael is worried that possibly I am not happy because domestic life is, in some regards, not as exciting as the life I led for the last three years, during which I routinely got together with Tiger Woods and Charlie Sheen to discuss how badly Mike Weir was faring.
Which was badly.
Basically what we have is a Mexican standoff.
Please stand by while I Google "Mexican standoff".
Okay, we absolutely do not have a Mexican standoff here.
Let's just say it's ironic: Michael loves me incessantly and yet I still question it.  I love my new life with him and yet he questions it.
I have a couple of friends who, when we were younger, were pretty wild chicks (hey SuperMommy!) and then they went and did some even crazier shit: they got married and had kids.  It blew my fucking mind.
Not only did they become wives and parents: they embraced it.  They were good at it.  It made them happy. 
It was weird.
I suppose, to some degree, that has happened to me.
At 35 I have finally calmed down and worked through a lot of the issues that have been plaguing me for years.  I am happy in my life.
Michael came home from work one night last week after agreeing to run with me.  I was waiting around for him and, earlier, he had texted to say that if he wasn't home by 6pm I should go without him.  I put on all my running gear and waited and 6pm came and went and then I heard the door unlock and there he was with his bike and he put it away and then came and grabbed me like we hadn't seen each other for a few days and it was funny because I felt the same way.