Stuff, and other things

So it's Thursday and Michael and I are talking, post dinner, about how his grandmother is no longer eating and is being administered morphine.  And it turns out that this Monday is a holiday because (ironically) it's "Family Day" and so I'm arguing that he should go to Penticton to see his grandmother one last time before she passes away and he's arguing that his mother doesn't seem to want him there and that he will go when he is summoned.  As we're arguing about him going or not going the phone rings.  And of course it is the phone call.
Michael's grandmother has passed away after 101 years.
On Saturday around 9:30am we head for Penticton.  I will interject here that the drive was epic.  Not for the scenery or the weather or the gravitas surrounding the situation, but rather that we had a Top Ten relationship blowup that saw us turn the car around about ten minutes into the commute.  It was literally insane.  I want to put this down here because from time to time I re-read my old blogs to see what I was up to a certain point in my life and Saturday will truly always be etched in my memory.  I contemplated getting out of the car (with my luggage) in Hope and finding my own way home.  I also contemplated asking Michael to drop me off at a hotel in Penticton because I didn't want to be anywhere near him.
On Michael's side he contemplated not doing the trip in its entirety, and I think he contemplated dropping me back home and then continuing on without me.  I know he mulled over the future of our relationship and whether having to deal with my shit on a daily basis is worth it or not.  He most definitely would like someone more laid back than what I am.
It's neither here nor there.  If I am thankful for one thing that came out of my somewhat dysfunctional family life, it's that we have the ability to scream at each other at volume 11 and then hand out hugs at the end of the evening and carry on.  Though certainly when we were screaming at each other at the top of our lungs it was typically in a house, and not a small Civic hurtling along at 120 kilometres an hour on a highway.
And if there is one thing that I am thankful for in my relationship with Michael, it's that we are both quite open minded and surprisingly forgiving, which is why I'm here, chilling and blogging and trying to sort things out instead of dropping Michael's possessions off of my 10th floor balcony.
Yes.  So we are back now and there's a lot of thoughts.  It's hard for Michael to see his mother so infrequently and to leave.  Everyone's getting older.  Today he asked me "who's next?".  I don't know who's next and I don't want to know.  You just have to do the best you can with the time you have and I try to be there for my family as much as I can and I know I could still be better.
We've got the impending "Wednesday meeting" with the higher ups at Michael's company and we're bracing ourselves for bad news.  Certainly we can weather this storm financially, but the 16k assessment really doesn't help our feelings of snugness or stability.  Plus me with my "I, I,I, me, me, me, ego, ego, ego" leave of   absence coming up on July 1st.
Yeah: it was a shit drive to Penticton for any number of reasons.  We don't know who will be next. We don't know if Michael will have a job to go to on Thursday.  I'm not a quiet or necessarily an easy going person, nor do I do things that make our lives easier.  It's expensive here and my commute sucks and we both don't like our jobs.
But, after we made the commute up there and after we cried with his mom over the loss of her mother we went for a run along the river and then up along the Trans Canada trail and the day was spectacular.  Absolutely stellar.  It was February 10th and I got some sun on my face and we saw a hawk and a couple of horses out for a ride and a lot of dogs and we ran on snow and everyone said hello and there were kayakers in the lake and there were lots of great places to stop for washroom breaks and to get water.
I'll remember the ride up there.  I'll remember Ivy.  But I will also try and remember the slippery, snowy part of the trail that I said I wouldn't continue down and so Michael went on his own and then I tried it and it wasn't as tenuous as I'd thought and so I started running as well and I caught Michael on his way back and he was so happy that I was there and that I'd made the effort and he kissed me over and over told me at least twice that he loved me and then we ran back.